An obituary for Iran

Always wanted to visit Iran. Yes, it's one of those countries than no civilised person should contemplate being anywhere near. That's part of the attraction for me. And "civilised" is a relative thing - we're talking of the world's first empire, the very first superpower, the first to articulate something like "human rights" (look up the Cyrus Cylinder).

Except that the world's latest superpower, and its lackeys, don't really see that side of things. They see what they want to see - the stern, bearded visage of Ayatollah Khomeini stamped over everything. Mad mullahs. And if nothing is done, mad mullahs with nukes. The horror!

So do they have nukes? No. Are they trying to build nukes? No one knows, is the right answer. The Iranians say no, thy only want "peaceful" nuclear power. "Yes" chorus the Yanks, they are making nukes, and once they have them, it'll be all over for the world. Or at least Israel. And that's the crux of the matter. America's 51st state can't stand to be deprived of their "only-nuclear-power-in-the-middle-east" status, because to be actually, credibly threatened with destruction might mean that they would have to start treating the Palestinians like humans. Can't be allowed, and those Palis are a "made-up people", anyway, if you listen to people like Newt Gingrich. Never trust people named after slimy amphibians.

Anyway, I digress. The point is, America's raring for a war with Iran - this showdown's been a long time coming, ever since 1971, when the ayatollah's took over, imprisoned some meddling US diplomats for over a year, and put US flags on places where people would have to trample them(Have to admit, the Iranian PR agency isn't great). The covert bit's already started - witness the killing of a young nuclear scientist last week, in a way that could only be described as an act of terror. So has the drumming - sanctions, accusations, the rallying of support. And significantly, the withdrawal of US troops from Iraq, having completed a farce of a handover to the government of what is now a joke of a country. The nukes will be used as an excuse - just like Saddam's non-existent WMDs - to attack and destroy Iran. As will "human rights", while the Americans' Saudi friends violate them in far worse ways.

And destroyed Iran will be. Just like it's neighbours to the east (Afghanistan) and west (Iraq). The covered bazaars of Tehran, the bridges and blue-domed mosques of Shiraz and Isfahan, the earth castles of Qom. A nation that produces film-makers like Kiarostami, a nation that has 99% literacy, where female enrolment in higher education is proportionately greater than most western nations. A proud nation.

That last is probably what rankles the neocons the most. Iran refuses to roll over or jump through hoops at the command of those who would be masters of the Universe. It defies the US, and does it openly. And not just with regards to political manoeuvering, but they manage to thumb their noses at the "American Way Of Life", unlike the rest of the world, which is embracing it with open legs. That's another reason I'd like to vist Iran - just once, I'd like to see a place where McDonald's is not an indicator of development, where cities and neighbourhoods aren't dominated by garish advertising, where consumption is what keeps you alive, not what you stay alive for. And it still manages to have a standard of lving that compares favourably with most developed countries. Yes, their cars are all blocky Lada knock-offs, but they get you where you want to go - isn't that their purpose? How do fancier cars a better nation make?

I won't bother explaining about the oil - it's obvious. Oil greases the machinery of consumption. Iran has a lot of it. 'nuff said.

So that's it. Iran as we know it will be destroyed soon, unless some people see sense or chicken out. I'm not betting on either happening. I'd like to visit it now, before the brown stuff hits the fan, but there's many more places I'd like to visit, and I'm not sure what an Iranian visa in my passport would single me out for. Waterboarding? No? At the very least, being asked to step out of line at passport check and blacklisted on US-based airlines, I'm sure.

So here's hoping everything sorts itself out, and I get to visit when I'm older and not much wiser, and if not, here's a quote from my favourite Iranian of all time, Omar Khayyam, that those in power now might want to keep in mind - "How Sultan after Sultan with his Pomp / Abode his Hour or two, and went his way"